Stupid & Stupider: A New Mope
by Serena Kenobi
Summary: Parody of A New Hope. Fluke Skyflopper's a lazy, mopey whiner, Leia is obsessed with the color white, and Darth Elevator blows things up for no reason. Sort of sequel to Revenge of the Idiots, but it can be read alone.
1. Chapter 1

**Stupid and Stupider: A New Mope  
**

**By Serena Kenobi**

**Rating: K+ **

**Author's notes: IT'S HERE, EVERYONE!! I know, I'm just as excited as you. I hope you enjoy this parody of A New Hope. Don't forget to R&R! Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Star Wars... well... Palps would be cleaning out my fridge! bwa ha ha ha ha ha!!! **

* * *

**Chapter One **

It was a time of war in the galaxy. The Insubordination Association was fighting against the evil and ruthless Empire, led by Emperor Scalpatine and his right hand man, Darth Elevator, who struck fear into the hearts of many.

However, Princess Leia Organic was not one of those many. She led a daring chase over the desert planet of Catooine, with Elevator hard on her tail.

"We're disaster-prone!" Cheapio wailed as the ship rocked. "Artu-tu, I don't know how we got into this mess, but it's all YOUR fault!"

Artu-tu, used to the protocol droid's annoying behavior, whistled something rude.

"How rude!" Cheapio snapped.

Bite me, ya prissy! Artu-tu beeped, rolling off to find Leia.

"They'll be no escape for the Princess this time!" Cheapio added all-knowingly.

Leia popped her brown cinnamon-bun head out from behind a doorway and shouted, "Oh SHUT UP, you GOLDEN PIECE OF METAL!" Leia had a bad habit of yelling, shouting, screaming, hollering, shrieking, roaring, screeching, barking, bellowing, and… well, you get the point.

She also loved the color white. Everything was white. White, white, white, white, and… more white. Maybe it was because she had been born with a mother who had worn white during birth. Maybe it was because she was a rebellious teenager and her adoptive mother loved bright and colorful fabrics, such as tangerine oranges, teal turquoises, and bright pinks and purples. Leia could tolerate black, since it wasn't technically a color, but anything other than black or white – she'd go ballistic.

Anyways, Leia was at that moment trying to get some plans to the Insubordination Association so that they could find a way to blow up the Murder Star. She looked around to make sure no one was looking and popped a disc into her faithful companion Artu-tu, who beeped and rolled away.

"Hey, where are you going?" Leia demanded. "Come back!"

Artu-tu turned around questioningly.

"GOTCHA!" Leia screamed suddenly, lunging onto the droid and tackling it to the ground. "And she… MAKES THE TACKLE!" She jumped up and started to dance. "Oh yeah! Who's your daddy, baby, WHO IS YOUR DADDY?"

She also had an unhealthy obsession with holo football.

Artu-tu beeped in indignation as he lay there helplessly on the floor. Leia quickly hopped up, grabbed a pistol, and went to hide behind something.

"Artu-tu? Artu-tu, where are you?" Cheapio whined, entering the room.

Artu-tu whistled.

"Well don't look at me, I'm not the clumsy one who fell over," Cheapio sniffed, kicking him.

Would ya help me up, here? Artu-tu demanded.

"Fine," the other droid sulked, and stiffly managed to bring the astro droid upright. Artu-tu then rolled into a secret hatch, calling Cheapio to follow him.

"You can't go in there, it's restricted!" Cheapio exclaimed.

Artu-tu just ignored him.

* * *

During this enlightening conversation, the Insubordinates (oh hang this, we'll just call 'em Rebels) were fighting against the swarmtroopers. However, the ship was not extremely well equipped for good hiding places, so they were shot down almost at once. The others ran off to find a good hiding spot.

A large, dark form entered into the Tentative IVXL (the designers clearly didn't know their Roman numerals).

It was the almighty, ever-feared…

"I WANT TO BLOW SOMETHING UP!"

… Darth Elevator!

The great machine man strode into the ship, assessing the damage done to the Rebels. "Good…" he mused in his deep, non-authentic voice. "But where are those blasted plans?" Just to enhance that question, he drew out a mini detonator.

"No my lord!" An officer cried, knowing the dangers of blowing something up in such a small space. "Not in – TAKE COVER!" He lunged into another room, and the swarmtroopers dropped to the ground as Elevator hurled a detonator into a wall of the ship.

KA-BOOM! An entire wall blew open, causing sparks, smoke, and dust to fly everywhere.

"…Here…" the officer finished weakly before passing out.

Elevator surveyed the damage, mightily pleased with himself. "Ho, ho, ho!" he chuckled deeply. Then, realizing that he sounded eerily like a slug on the hated planet of Catooine, he abruptly stopped himself. "Uh… he, he, he!" He twirled his cape around, feeling much like Zorro, and hurried off to find the other officers.

He found them holding a Rebel officer, and he suddenly reached out and grabbed him by the neck. "What have you done with those plans?" he angrily demanded.

"Uh…" the officer choked, "We… intercepted no transmissions... this is a consular ship… we're on a … diplomatic mission!"

"If this is a consular ship, then where is the ambassador?" Elevator shouted, shaking him by the throat.

A little old man with a cane hobbled forward. "Present!" he croaked.

Elevator turned his head to look at him, then swiveled back to the officer. "Oh." Nodding to an officer, he watched as one of his men came up behind the old man and whacked him on the back of the head. "Now what do you have to say?" he shouted.

"You… killed the ambassador!" the Rebel gasped.

"No, I didn't."

"Well your… ahh… men did!"

"If the ambassador's not here, he doesn't exist," Elevator stated. The swarmtroopers helpfully dragged the old man out of the room, throwing him into a broom closet.

The Rebel stared in horror until he was tossed into a water pipe.

"Commander, tear this ship apart until you have found those plans and bring me the Ambassador, I want her alive!" Elevator roared, helmet swiveling.

The commander, an unknown fellow, frowned in confusion. "But… that _was_ the Ambassador!" he protested.

"There is another!" Elevator shouted, striding off. Unfortunately, his cape caught in the doorway, and he WHOOSH! Slipped over and fell on his butt. "BLASTED CAPES!" he boomed.

There was no one to help him, as everyone was looking for the 'other' Ambassador.

"Uh, could somebody help me up?"

* * *

**Hope you liked it! Well, I won't know if you don't review. Remember, no flaming allowed! **

**MtFbwy,**

**- Serena Kenobi**


	2. Chapter 2

**A New Mope**

**By Serena Kenobi  
**

**Author's Note: Yay! I got a lot of positive reviews!! I'm so happy you like the story - even the names!! I hope you enjoy this chappie, too. **

**Disclaimer: I can dream, can't I? Also don't own the line from Star Trek, or the names of Shakespeare.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Back to the holo football-obsessed Leia. She leaned out from her particularly bad hiding spot to see a few swarmtroopers searching the area and heading right for her direction. The lead trooper looked up and saw her cinnamon-bun head sticking out from behind something and said, "There's one!"

Leia immediately tried to hide herself, but her white dress stuck out behind all the black things surrounding her. She pulled her hood over her eyes and curled up into a ball.

"You there, come out right now!" the lead swarmtrooper ordered, standing over her.

"You can't see me!" Leia yelled, "I'm hiding!"

The trooper glanced at the others who were just as confused. "Uh, I can see you. I'm standing right over you."

"If I can't see you, you can't see me," Leia shot back in a determined voice.

The swarmtrooper sighed impatiently. "Look, I can see you! You're wearing white, you have brown, weird looking hair-you're a pretty girl!"

"I am?" Leia said. "Well, of course I am."

The swarmtrooper, whose name just so happened to be Romeo, drew out a stun gun. "Look, if you don't come with us, I'll stun you."

"TRY IT, plastic-head!" Leia screamed, suddenly standing up and shooting them.

One of the troopers eventually managed to stun her, and she fell down, unconscious.

"That took long enough," another trooper named Benvolio declared.

* * *

Artu-tu and Cheapio had already escaped in an escape pod, but luckily the scanning staff was on a coffee and donuts break so they didn't see the pod.

"That's funny, the damage doesn't look so bad from down here," Cheapio remarked.

'Why's that funny?' Artu-tu beeped indignantly. 'Our friends are in danger, the ship is captured, and we're headed for the most desolate planet in the entire galaxy! I fail to see the humor in the situation.'

"Well! There's no need to be so rude," Cheapio sniffed.

'With you, Goldilocks, there's always a need,' Artu-tu whistled.

* * *

Leia was marched in a line of swarmtroopers to where Lord Elevator was standing alongside an officer. "Lord Elevator, only you could be so bold!" she shouted in anger.

"I am boldly going where no man has gone before," Elevator boomed. "So sue me."

"You bet I will!" she yelled, eyes flashing. "The Imperial senate will not tolerate this! When they hear you've attacked a diplomatic–"

"Don't act so surprised, your Highness, you weren't on any mercy mission this time," Elevator cut in. "Some plans were beamed aboard this ship by Insubordinate spies; I want to know what happened to those plans!"

Leia stiffened. "I don't know what you're talking about!" she snapped. "I'm a member of the Imperial senate on a diplomatic mission to–"

"You are part of the Insubordination Association and a traitor!" Elevator thundered.

"Well ya don't have to shout it! GEEZ! I'm right here!" Leia screamed.

"_I'm_ shouting? You're the one who has the mouth of a bantha!"

"How dare you, metal-head! _You_ sound like a Hutt!"

"Why you little… tell me where the plans are!" Elevator yelled.

"I want my lawyer!" Leia shot back furiously.

"And I want my hair back!" Elevator returned. "Disappointment abounds. Take her away!"

Leia was hauled off, screaming her lungs off at the outrage.

'Hmm, she kinda reminds me of Crabme,' Elevator mused.

"Lord Elevator, Lord Elevator!" A junior officer came running up to him, panting for breath.

Elevator waited. "Well?"

The officer leaned over, held up a hand, still trying to catch his breath.

Elevator was quickly losing his patience. "Have you come to make fun of me by mimicking my breathing, or did you actually have something worth telling me?" he boomed.

"No, Lord Elevator," the man gasped, "Hang… on…" After a few seconds, he sighed and stood upright. "I just came, sir, to tell you that the Princess has been detained."

"I know that."

"Oh. Well, then, have a nice day!" the officer smiled, running off.

Elevator threw up his hands. "I am working with incompetent idiots!" he said to nobody.

Another officer, this one older, came up to him. "Holding the Princess is dangerous," he declared, "I have done the research and found that the Empire's stocks will go down approximately 3.54 percent in the next seven days. This was an unwise publicity stunt and will generate unease for the Imperial stockholders."

Elevator stared at him.

"However, if we manage to destroy the Association in precisely 87.6478 days, we could probably cause the stocks to rise by 5.9007 percent, which will then help the other businesses to raise their overall profits to 368.51904 credits, and if the Senate helps to raise 678.578 credits, then the average Imperial will save exactly 996.372 credits per month, giving the stocks a bonus of 230.56 percent. The investors will benefit from this rise by making a 7.45 percent income added to their own."

Elevator gaped at the officer. "Publicity stunt? Wha – you – I – oh, go away!" he snapped, storming off.

The officer, whose name happened to be Harry Snobgrass, shrugged and walked away.

Elevator strode through the ship's passages when another man came alongside him. "If word of this gets out, it could generate sympathy for the Insubordination Association."

"I have traced the Rebel spies to her," Elevator said, growing more annoyed, "now she is my only link to finding those plans."

"She'll die before she tells you anything!" The officer announced.

"And you'd better shut up before I pop that egotistical head of yours!" Elevator hissed furiously, "Just send a distress signal and inform the senate that those aboard were killed." He hurried off, picking up his pace to leave the officer behind. "What is it with these officers?"

When he reached a doorway, he found another officer.

"Lord Elevator," the man saluted smartly, "We have searched the ship from top to bottom, side to side, angle to angle, point A to point B minus–"

"I get the picture!" Elevator shouted.

The man nodded, unfazed. "Yes, well, we have not found the Death Star plans on the ship. A small escape pod was jettisoned recently, but no life forms were aboard, and no transmissions were made."

"She must have hidden the plans in the escape pod," Elevator mused.

"Or she could have swallowed them," the officer added helpfully.

Elevator blinked. "Swallowed them? Are you out of your senses? Has this whole ship gone mad? Serenity now, serenity now!" he hollered, raising his hands to the ceiling.

"Sir?"

"Send a detachment down to the planet and find those plans. See to it personally, commander. There will be no one to stop us this time!" Elevator continued, whisking past. "What is it with these smart-aleck officers who think they know everything?" he muttered.

* * *

**That's it for that chapster. Hope you enjoyed, and don't forget to R&R! **

**MtFbwy! **

**- Serena Kenobi**


	3. Chapter 3

**A New Mope  
**

**By Serena Kenobi**

**Author's note: Once again, thanks to everyone for reviewing! I recently joined Fanlib, and it's really great! I have some of my stories already there, so if you've joined, my penname is the same but without spaces: jedixmanserenakenobi. Anyhoo, hope you like this chapter. It stars FLUKE!! **

**Disc: I own nothing of Star Wars. **

* * *

**Chapter Three **Artu-tu and Cheapio had landed on the desolate planet of Catooine and were arguing about which way to go. 

"Tis much too rocky over there," Cheapio protested, "this way is much easier." He jerkily motioned to the sand dunes.

_Sometimes the easiest way isn't the best way, _the astro-droid informed him.

"Oh, what are you, a philosopher now?" Cheapio snapped, and kicked him. "Fine, go that way. But don't let me catch you begging for help, because you won't get it." He walked off towards the sandy hills.

_FREEEEEDOOOOOOM! _Artu-tu whistled happily, rolling off towards the rockier section.

Here's a brief summary of what happened in the next few hours: Cheapio complained. Artu-tu rolled. Cheapio complained more. Artu-tu rolled more. Cheapio called for help to an unknown ship and was captured by weird little creatures in hoods called Tawas. Artu-tu rolled more and was captured by Tawas. They both ended up on the same ship headed for Fluke Skyflopper's humble abode.

Cheapio sat in the dingy ship, looking around at all the weird looking droids. He suddenly noticed Artu-tu in the corner. "Artu-tu? Artu-tu, it is you, it is you!" he shouted, getting up joyfully.

Artu-tu grumbled under his mechanical breath. _I had hoped to avoid talking to you, _he told Cheapio. _And will ya keep it down? I'm trying to sleep here!_

"Well, that's ridiculous," Cheapio scoffed, "droids don't sleep, we shut down."

_Whaddya think I'm doing, you scrap piece of metal?_ Artu-tu beeped.

"How rude!" Cheapio sniffed.

The ship abruptly halted, and the prissy droid was thrown all the way across the room, crashing into a trashcan droid. "Oh, dear!" he moaned. "What did I do to deserve this?"

Some of the droids, including Cheapio and Artu-tu, were taken out in case they were chosen. When out on the sandy ground, the Tawas lined them up to be inspected.

Two men, actually one grumpy old geezer and a young, slouching boy, came out from the house… er… pit-house, and came up to the droids. The older man was scraggly looking, had an enormous beer belly, and looked as if he hadn't taken a shower in weeks. The boy was skinny, had sandy blonde hair, and was reading a book.

"FLLLUUUUUUKE!" A loud voice screamed from inside the pit-house.

Fluke didn't pay any attention but continued to read his book.

"FLLUUUUUUUKE!" The voice, obviously a woman's, screamed again.

The older man glowered at Fluke, snatched the book, and threw it on the ground. "Listen to yer aunt, she's calling for you!" he snapped.

Fluke rolled his eyes. "But Uncle Owwwweeeennnn," he whined in the whiniest whine anyone could possibly whine.

"Go!" Owen growled.

Fluke dropped his head, sighed. "Fine…" he kicked up some dust and dragged his feet over to the edge and looked down into the pit of the house. His Aunt Birdflu was standing there.

"Fluke, make sure to tell your uncle to get a translator droid that speaks Bocce Ball."

"Don't you mean Bocce?" Fluke said, squinting down at her.

She glared.

"Fine, you don't have to get so mad. Gosh." He threw his head to one side, his sandy waves flipping around. "Sides, doesn't look like we have much of a choice, anyways." He shuffled off back to find his uncle.

Owen walked up to Cheapio.

"Oh, it seems I'm fated to suffer," the droid whimpered, "It's my lot in life." He looked at Owen. "Good afternoon, sir. If you could say it's a good afternoon. As a matter of fact, I don't believe it's a good afternoon at all."

Owen blinked at turned to a Tawa. "What's this, some kinda malfunctioning protocol droid?"

"Maaaybe he's suffering from depression," Fluke put in, staring at Cheapio. "I know I am."

"Shut up," Owen snapped.

"Gosh," Fluke muttered, kicking up more dust.

* * *

**Pretty short, sorry bout that. The next chapter will most likely be longer, since it will star Fluke the whole time, and I just love writing him. It's fun!**

**MtFbwy,**

**-Serena Kenobi**


	4. Chapter 4

**A New Mope  
**

**By Serena Kenobi**

**Author's note: Many thanks to all of my reviewers. Got a new repeating Geico joke!! Woo hoo! **

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything that doesn't belong to me. **

* * *

**Chapter Four **"We'll take the two," Owen told the Tawa, slapping it on the back. It promptly fell over into the sand. 

Cheapio began to follow Fluke, who motioned him to come along, when the astromech droid that was supposed to be coming with them suddenly burst into flame.

"Oh my goodness!" Cheapio cried in alarm, "Shut me down!"

Fluke turned around and shut off the golden droid, causing him to fall slightly forward, the lights in his eye sockets gone out.

Owen glared at his nephew. "Fluke! Quit playin' around!"

"But Uncle Oooooooweeeeeen," Fluke whined, "I didn't dooooo anything."

"Ya just shut off the droid!" Owen yelled, motioning to the droid.

Fluke looked at Cheapio. "Oh yeaaaaahh... my bad." He looked at the other droids in the line. "Well, what about the blue one?"

"What blue one?"

"The one that's white and blue and has a red light and might have belonged to my mother or father or maybe even that old wizard dude Ben Kenobi–"

"What are you talking about?" Owen hollered, mightily disturbed.

Fluke shrugged. "Dunno, don't care. But hey, guess what?"

Owen looked at him. "What?"

"I just switched to Geico! So easy a moisture farmer can do it." Fluke beamed.

Owen seethed. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked in a dangerous tone.

Fluke blinked and abruptly ran away screaming, "RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!"

* * *

Later that evening, Cheapio, fully turned on, came out of his bath and said, "Oh my, that felt so refreshing!"

Fluke was sitting and playing with skyhopper but was feeling rather bored. "I'm bored!" He announced. Then, looking at his comlink system, he picked up a comlink and dialed a random number. After a few seconds, he heard a low, booming voice on the other line.

"Hello?"

Fluke grinned. "Hello, Tax Free Services," he said in a higher voice. "My name is…" he fumbled for a fake name, "Shishkabob and I'm your personal guide to a tax-free life with absolutely no strings or wires attached, provided you send us a check for only 1,000 credits in advance."

There was a pause on the other line. "Who dares to play games with Lord Darth Elevator?" The other man boomed menacingly.

"Oh, my!" Cheapio cried, overhearing the conversation, "It's Darth Elevator!"

"Who is that?" Elevator yelled, "Is that you, Cheapio?"

Artu-tu, the blue and white droid who had managed to worm his way back into Cheapio's life, quietly beeped an _Uh oh…_

Fluke gasped and quickly terminated the link, slamming the comlink down onto its charger. "Uh… don't tell Uncle Owen 'bout this, kay?" He said, skipping away down the hall for dinner, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Elevator had known Cheapio.

He found his uncle and aunt already sitting down for dinner and peeked into his glass. "Got blue milk?" He asked them, grinning toothily.

Owen glared at him. "I don't like your cheeky attitude," he growled. "And I ain't got time for your smart-mouth retorts."

Birdflu sighed. "Owen, leave him be. Fluke's just not smart enough for making any sort of smart-mouth retorts, right honey?" She patted Fluke's arm.

"Yeah, that's right – wait, what? Hey!" Fluke pouted and promptly chucked his spoon at the wall. "I am now going to kill myself." He began banging his head on the table. "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."

"SHUT IT!" Owen screamed, going red in the face.

Fluke looked up, dazed. "Huh? What's going on? Where am I?"

Owen slapped him upside his head, and Fluke rubbed it, scowling at his uncle.

"Heeeeeeeyyyy," Fluke whined. "That was sooooo not coool…" After a few seconds, he suddenly stared off into space.

Owen cleared his throat. "Listen, Fluke," he said, "one day, all this will be yours."

"What, the ceiling?"

Owen slapped him upside the head again, frowning. "No, not the ceiling, you dolt, this entire moisture farm!"

Fluke pouted. "But Auntie…"

"Uncle, I'm Uncle," Owen quickly corrected.

"But, Uncle Oooooweeeenn, I don't want any of this," Fluke whined.

"Why in Vader's name not?"

"I'd rather… rather… just… sing…" Fluke opened his mouth as he imagined a great symphony coming into play, but was quickly stopped by another slap from Owen.

* * *

**Hope you liked it! Lemme know by reviewing! **

**MtFbwy,**

**-Serena Kenobi**


	5. Chapter 5

**A New Mope  
**

**By Serena Kenobi**

**Author's Note: Thank you all! Appreciate all the support. Hope you enjoy this chappie!**

**Disc: My wrist hurts... but I don't own Star Wars. Darn!**

* * *

"Stop that, stop that!" Owen growled. "You're not goin' into a song while I'm alive."

Fluke scowled. "Well then I hope you die," he grumbled, "just so I can… sing…"

"STOP IT!"

Fluke shut his trap and picked at his mush. "I hate my life. I hate you," he sulked.

"Right back at ya, flimsy," Owen nodded.

Fluke gasped at the horrid nickname and pushed his food away. "Auntie, I'm not hungry."

"Eat it! You're skinny enough as it is," Owen ordered.

"No. I don't like mush."

Owen gaped. "Don't like it? What's _wrong_ with it?"

Fluke took one withering glance at the pasty-white glob in front of him. "It's disgusting, that's what it is. Oh yeah," he abruptly changed subjects, "I think those droids were stolen and maybe they belong to old Ben Kenobi but then how could they because he's such a geezer and a dweeb and I don't even think he knows what a droid is anyhoo but mebbe the droid is lying but then mebbe old Ben knew my father–"

"I told you to forget it!" Owen snarled, interrupting Fluke's nonstop prattling.

Fluke, his mouth still open, frowned. "Told me to forget what?"

"That man's just a crazy old Jedi – wizard!" Owen quickly covered up his careless mistake.

Fluke's eyebrows rose into his sandy hair. "You think it's wizard that Ben's a Jedi? Wait, he's a Jedi?"

"I told you to forget it."

"Oh, _now _ya tell me," Fluke muttered. "I think I'm gonna go see what the droids are up to." He flounced off, mumbling to himself.

Birdflu looked at her husband. "Poor kid," she sighed. "He's got too much of his father in him."

"Yeah. The same irritating, pestering procrastination and laziness, and the whining – I can't stand the whining!" Owen roared.

"Well, maybe you should let him join the Academy with his friends," Birdflu suggested.

"Let's not and say he did," Owen sharply retorted.

She shrugged. "Don't kill the suggestor."

"'Suggestor' ain't a word, honey. And it's 'don't kill the messenger.'"

"Same difference."

Back to Fluke. Before he checked on the droids, like he'd told his uncle he would, he went out of the house and decided to watch the exciting and inspiring event of the twin suns setting.

How fun. A thrill a minute.

Eventually growing tired of watching the balls of flame slowly go down, Fluke rubbed his bugged out eyes (he had never listened to when his uncle told him to never stare directly into the suns, but it was fun, so why not?) and swaggered down into the room where the droids were. When he got there, it was dark and…

"Spooky, man," Fluke said, feeling rather creeped out. It felt like any second, a scary monster would jump out and –

"Master Fluke!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Fluke screamed at the top of his lungs and jumped nearly twenty feet into the air. He could've jumped higher, but the lack of ceiling height prevented him from doing so, and in the process banged his head and fluttered not-so-gracefully back down to the floor.

Cheapio stared at him, looking horrified. Well, looking as horrified as a droid with no facial expressions could look, I suppose. "Sir! Are you all right?"

Fluke opened his eyes. "Santa?" He muttered.

"No, sir, it's me! See-Cheapio!"

Fluke groaned. "Just my luck." He slapped a hand over his eyes and said, "Hey, could ya grab me a comic book to read or somethin'? I'm soooo bored, dude."

"Lying down on the floor, sir?"

"Why not? Better than taking the trouble of having to _get up_ and walk. And plus, with a droid like you, you can just get it for me!" Fluke threw him a cheesy grin. After a second's awkward pause, he frowned and raised his hand, pretending to be a Jedi. "You must get me the comic book. It is only logical," he added as an afterthought.

Cheapio was, sufficed to say, confused. "I beg your pardon, Master Fluke?"

Fluke groaned and dropped his head back down to the floor. "Aw, just forget it, man. And by the way, where's lil' blue?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, Master, Fluke, he's run off!"

"You mean rolled off."

"Yes! He kept going on about his mission and how he has to find Ben Kenobi!"

"That ol' creep? Why?" Fluke furrowed his sandy brows in concentration.

"I don't know, sir, but–"

"Does this mean I hafta go _look _for him! Aw, man!" He paused. "Maybe I should just call Geico..."

"Geico, sir?"

Fluke grinned. "Yeah. Geico: so easy a protocol droid can do it."

Cheapio, if he could, looked miffed.

* * *

Sorry it's so short, but for some reason, my mood isn't so humorous. The fact that my wrist is absolutely killing me might have something to do with it...

MtFbwy!

- Serena Kenobi


	6. Chapter 6

**A New Mope  
**

**By Serena Kenobi**

**Author's note: Yes, yes, I haven't updated in ages... but I DO have a life, ya know. Uh... okay, so I don't. I've been having a little writer's block for this story, and I've been focusing much more on my book. But I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: So I don't own Star Wars. At least I own the DVDs. **

* * *

**Chapter Six **Fluke raced out of the homestead and grabbed his binoculars. "Gah, I can't see anything," he sulked. "This is SO NOT MY DAY!" He screamed to nobody in particular. 

"Excuse me, sir," Cheapio came up beside him. "But shall we go look for him?"

"Sure. If you wanna get ripped apart by Tusken raiders."

"Oh my!"

"I'll take that as a 'no', then," Fluke smirked. "Don't worry, we'll get him tomorrow. He can't have gone too far. I hope. For your sake. Uncle Owen's gonna be real mad. He might even rip off an arm or two. Not fun, lemme tell you that. He's like a grown Wookiee who's just lost a holographic game to an astromech droid while on a ship headed for Alderaan accompanied by a space pirate and a crazy old wizard and a whiney boy, and – hey!" He shouted. "I'm not whiney!"

Cheapio stared at him. "Uh, are you all right, sir?"

"Don't call me whiney!" Fluke snapped.

"I didn't sir. You called yourself that."

"Oh." Fluke blinked. "Well then. Hey, don't call me whiney, me!"

Cheapio then decided that this human was out of his mind and left him alone. "I'll just… uh… go now, sir."

Fluke scowled after him and looked into the twin suns of Catooine. After a second, he blinked, then staggered around, and fell over. "I'm BLIIIND!" He screamed, "I can't seeee!"

"Sir, sir, are you all right?" Cheapio's voice came from above.

Fluke blinked a few times, then glared at the droid. "You will address me at all times as your Lord and Master!" He commanded in a deep voice, pointing at the droid.

"I see, Master Luke."

"Uh, it's Fluke."

"I see, Master Fluke."

"Lord and Master Fluke!" Fluke barked, hopping to his feet and brushing himself off.

"Oh, very well then."

"FLUKE! FLUUKE!" His uncle shouted.

Fluke cringed. "Well, uh, nice talkin' to ya, bye!" He scrambled off and ran into the storage shed.

* * *

The next morning, Fluke and Cheapio drove the landspeeder to try and find Artu-tu. Cheapio was driving, as Fluke was simply too lazy to bother. He was, at the moment, flipping through a comic book and humming to the latest Catooine band: "The Gloriously Beautiful Hutts." Personally, he didn't like the name, as Hutts weren't gloriously beautiful, but hey, at least they had some interesting music. Every other song was the Imperial Theme March, played on every single station. It got annoying after a while just listening to "DUM, DUM, DUM, DUM-DE-DUM, DUM-DE-DUM!"

But it was rather fun to hum to.

"Sir Fluke–"

"What did I say?" Fluke snarled.

"Lord and Master Fluke, we're picking up something on scanners," Cheapio said, somewhat miffed.

"Good for you," Fluke muttered.

"What should we do?"

"I know what you should do."

"What?"

"Go blow yourself up."

"How rude," Cheapio sniffed.

Fluke grinned. "That's me, Mr. Rude. Call me anytime for insults, derogatory comments, or snippy retorts."

"I'd rather not, Sir."

Fluke glared at him. "Well fine. BE that way." He folded his arms and sulked.

"Sir, we're picking up something on scanners," Cheapio repeated.

"Good for you."

"What should we do?"

"I know what we should…" Fluke frowned. "Is it just me, or am I getting the oddest feeling of deja-vu?"

"I think it's just you, sir."

Fluke shook his sandy head and glared at his lap, which was now covered in a pile of sand. "Gah! Whatever. What's on the scanners? Is it the pesky droid?"

"I believe so, sir."

"Well, then, let's check it out! I've read this comic book like a thousand times already!" Fluke tossed it into the backseat. "Stupid Uncle Owen. He says I'm a lazy, mopey whiner who's obsessed with comic books. What do you think?" Before Cheapio could say anything further, he growled, "Oh, I don't even know what I'm DOING here! We're wasting our time!" Then, he paused. "Again, I'm having the oddest feeling of deja-vu. Only in the future." He shrugged. "Guess it's just me. But hey, I've got some good news and bad news. The bad news is, Uncle Owen's gonna kill me when we get home. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my landspeeder insurance by switching to Geico." He burst out laughing.

Cheapio wisely kept his programmed mouth shut and didn't dignify him with a response.

* * *

**That's all for now, folks. Reviews are well liked! Only if they're nice, of course...**


	7. Chapter 7

**A New Mope  
**

**By Serena Kenobi**

**Author's note: I know, I haven't updated in AGES! MONTHS!!! GAH! Here's a Christmas present. An early one. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Star Wars... I'd make a shrine to Darth Vader. MWA HAHAHA! Also don't own the Three Stooges. Er, Tuskens. **

* * *

**_Chapter Seven: On the Edge of Insanity_ **

The next morning, Fluke decided to look for Artu-tu after a good boxing on the ears – delivered by his uncle – with Cheapio. Only after a few minutes, Fluke whined, "There'snothingonsensorssolet'sjustgohomeokay?OkayI'mouttahere."

"Beg your pardon, sir?" Cheapio asked.

"I thought you were fluent in over six million forms of communication," Fluke grumbled.

"I am, but-"

"And you can't even understand a human being!!???" Fluke suddenly screamed, violently jerking the speeder around.

"Actually I-"

"I HATE MY LIFE!" Fluke screamed.

The Tusken raiders heard all this racket and decided to check it out. Three of them, Mo, Curli, and Lari, hopped off their bantha and headed up to the ridge.

"Did you hear somethin'?" Mo asked.

"Yeah," Curli said, "I heard you!" He giggled, but Mo smacked him hard on the cheek. "OW!" Curli screamed.

"Spread out!" Mo snarled.

Curli stuck out his tongue – which of course was covered by his helmet-hat thingy – and waved him off. "Wise guy, eh?"

Fluke, meanwhile, had discovered the location of Artu-tu, who was foolishly trying to find a space pirate by the name of Ben Kenobi.

"A space pirate?" Fluke gasped. "But I don't wanna meet a space pirate!"

"HEY! HELLO!"

Fluke and Cheapio turned to see a Tusken raider standing on the hilltop, waving his arms wildly and jumping up and down. "That's one fat Tusken," Fluke remarked before doing a double take and shouting, "A TUSKEN RAIDER! KILL HIM!" But Mo sneaked up behind him and bopped him on the head.

"I got him, fellas!" Mo shouted triumphantly, then glanced at Cheapio. "What are you, Golden-Guy?"

"I'm a protocol droid, sir. Please don't hurt me!"

"Ehh… stay outta my way. Boys, get a loada this!" He looked at the speeder. "Ooh, a real classic!"

"We'll be rich in no time!" Curli chirped.

"Yeah, real nice!" Lari piped up.

"Well, whaddya you two waitin' for? Go get the bags!" Mo smacked them both on the heads.

Suddenly, a loud, eerie wail was heard, and the three Tuskens turned to see a figure in a dark hood trying to make its way towards them.

Curli shrieked and darted back to the bantha, only to be followed by Mo and Lari. They were gone in a minute.

The figure came up to an unconscious Fluke, shook his head, snickered, chuckled, and suddenly burst out laughing. Artu-tu stared at him warily. But then the figure noticed him and lowered his hood. "Hello, there!" He grinned. "Don't be afraid!" A half-crazed look in his eyes, he suddenly began chanting, "Don't be afraid! Fear is a path to the dark side! Fear leads to hate! Hate leads to anger! Anger leads to suffering! Suffering leads to insanity! Insanity leads to MORE insanity! MORE insanity leads to insanity times INFINITY!" He screamed gleefully, and burst into more laughter.

Artu-tu stayed put.

"But seriously," Obi-Wan said, calming down. "Don't you remember me?"

Artu-tu shook his dome.

Obi-Wan scowled. "Some blasted loyal droid YOU are!" He chucked a rock at the droid, and grinned when Artu-tu's dome dented from the impact.

Artu-tu beeped indignantly.

Obi-Wan turned to Fluke and slapped his face a couple times. "Hey, kid! Clone of Anakin! Kid of Chaos and Disorder! Wake up!"

Fluke refused to budge.

"Dad blast it you! WAKE UP!" Obi-Wan screamed, and kicked Fluke hard.

Fluke whimpered and rolled up into a ball. "Don't wanna. Leave us alone!"

Obi-Wan glared. "Listen, you lazy, pathetic scrap of life, either you come with me and get up or I kill you."

Fluke opened one eye. "What will I get if I come with you?"

"Life."

"Good enough for me." Fluke gingerly scrambled to his feet and looked at Obi-Wan nervously. "Ben? What're you doing out here?"

"I live here," Ben said with thinly veiled disgust. "_Remember?_"

Fluke shook his head, then nodded. "Oh yeah. I think. Maybe. I dunno. Possibly. Perhaps. There's a chance-"

"Just like your blasted mother!" Obi-Wan screamed. "SHADDAP!"

"You knew my mother?" Fluke said, shocked.

"I told you to forget it," Obi-Wan said irritably.

Fluke shook his head. "No you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"When?"

"Just now." Obi-Wan grinned triumphantly at his own witty reply. "HAH! Take that LOSER!"

Fluke nervously edged farther away from the insane space pirate/Jedi Master. "Er, I'll just be on my merry onsie now…"

"NO! You must stay for TEA! I INSIST! TEA AND CRUMPETS!" Obi shrieked, snatching Fluke's sleeve and yanking him hard towards his house.

"I don't like tea and stupid crumpets!" Fluke growled, trying to push the old man away. "Go away geezer!"

Obi-Wan fixed him with such a glare that Fluke almost withered up and died on the spot. "Er, I mean, I'll go with you. I guess. Lemme just get m' droids."

Obi-Wan stared hard at Cheapio. "Do I know you? No, I don't." Now _he_edged away from the golden droid. "I don't know you at all! Never did! Just GET OUT MY LIFE!! DAY AND NIGHT YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE!! YOU NEVER DIEEEE! WHY WON'T YOU DIEEEE!!!???"

Fluke stared at the crazed man. "Sure…"

* * *

**That's all for now, folks. **

**MtFbwy,**

**- Serena Kenobi **


	8. Chapter 8

**A NEW MOPE**

**By Serena Kenobi**

**A/N: **EEEEP! (ducks flying cabbages and wooden rabbits) I KNOW I KNOW! I'M EEEVILLL! SO SO SO SO SORRY!! My funny bone wasn't working... DANG IT ALL WRITER'S BLOCK!! BUT I'm BAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCK!!

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Who's Anakin? **

* * *

"… So then I beat up a guy for saying I cheated at Candyland and so yah that's pretty much it." Ben grinned at Fluke.

Fluke gaped.

"Shut your mouth or I'll do it for you," Ben snapped irritably. He glanced edgily at Cheapio. "Are you gonna fix his arm or what?"

Fluke stared at the armless Cheapio. "No. Should I?"

"Aren't you supposed to be good at fixing things?" Ben shouted. "What do I PAY you for?"

"You don't pay me for anything!" Fluke yelled back. "You're crazy!"

"FIX THE DANG DROID!" Ben hollered as he slammed a hydrospanner into Fluke's hand.

Fluke sulked. "Fine. Be that way. I'm good at fixing things, anyway. Always was." He began to attach Cheapio's arm to the droid's head.

"Don't SAY THAT!" Ben suddenly shrieked. "DON'T REMIND ME OF ANAKIN!"

"Who's Anakin?" Fluke asked as he began banging Cheapio's arm onto his head with the spanner.

"Who's Anakin?" Ben asked innocently.

Fluke looked at him. "I just… asked that."

"Asked what?"

"Who's Anakin?" Fluke yelled, hammering on the arm with extra force.

"Who?"

"That's what I want to know!"

"Know what?"

"WHO HE IS!"

"Who who is?"

"WHO ANAKIN IS!"

"Who's Anakin?" Ben asked.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Fluke screamed as he whapped on the arm.

"Well I don't either. Why'd you mention it?"

"BECAUSE YOU DID!"

"Did what?"

"MENTION ANAKIN!"

"Who's Anakin?"

"THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING YOU!"

"What are you asking me?"

"WHAT I JUST SAID!"

"What'd you just say?"

"WHO'S ANAKIN!"

"I don't know. Who IS Anakin?"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Fluke screamed.

Ben abruptly turned to Artu-tu. "Now, my little green friend… let's see where you came from."

"He's not green," Fluke said angrily.

"Who's not green?"

"Artu-tu."

"Who?"

"The droid!"

Ben looked around. "What droid?"

Fluke pointed at Artu-tu. "THAT DROID!"

Ben looked at Artu-tu. "Yeah, he's a droid. What about him?"

"HE'S NOT GREEN!" Fluke shrieked furiously.

Ben snorted. "Oh, I can see that. Thanks – I really didn't know my colors, there," he said sarcastically.

"Then why'd you call him green?"

"Call who green?"

"Artu-tu!"

"Why would I call him green?" Ben asked.

"I don't know!" Fluke hissed.

"Don't know what?"

"Why YOU CALLED HIM GREEN!"

"Called who green?"

"Artu-tu!"

"Who?"

"The DROID!"

"Which droid?"

"THE ONE I JUST POINTED TO!"

"Which droid you just pointed to?"

"THAT ONE!" Fluke pointed.

"Oh, him?"

"YES!"

"So? He's a droid. I knew that."

"HE'S NOT GREEN!"

"I never said he was green," Ben said.

"YOU JUST KRIFFING DID!"

"Did what?"

"SAY HE WAS GREEN!"

"Who's green?"

"NOBODY IS GREEN!"

"Then why'd you say someone was green?"

"I DIDN'T! YOU SAID ARTU-TU WAS GREEN!"

"Who?"

Fluke, being the calm one in irritating situations like this, calmly opened his mouth and quietly shouted: "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Ben smirked and glanced at Artu-tu. "So, what's up? How's life? Is Crabme still dead? Is Soda dead? I hope so. And how's Elevator? Still blowing up things. Always the joker," he chuckled. "You know, I just another postcard from him." He grabbed a pile of postcards off the table and put on his spectacles. "He says he's near Catooine right now… fancy that! Actually, he came over the other day for a nice chat and some tea and crumpets... He needed to talk about how he's trying not to strangle Governor Muff Barfin. I told him he should just put spiders in Barfin's bed and whoopie cushions on his chair - see how that goes. I'm expecting a call from him soon." He laughed again. "Hoo boy, good times." Before Artu-tu could get a word – or beep – in, he added, "Hey, lemme read it! Ahem. He says: 'Dear Benny-boy, wut up? Just got a fresh wax on the helmet – awesome. I look hot in it. If only Crabme were here to see it. Oh well. She was kinda cranky, anyway. Moving on – just got this new Death Planet or Star or Constellation or Rock or Something-In-Space-That-Twinkles finished. Should be purty cool – I GET TO BLOW SOMETHING UP WITH IT!! It's LIKE MY FAVORITE TOY EVER!! YOU GOTTA GET DOWN HERE! UP HERE! WUTEVER! SO YAH BYE!"

"Uh… my brain.. my poor, procrastinating, whiny, pea-sized brain," Fluke moaned as he began to wake up.

Ben hurriedly finished the letter, "And he finishes by saying: Geico! So easy a Jedi can do it." He laughed, then scowled. "IN THE NAME OF!"

* * *

**Random. I know. SO SUE ME! **

**Uh, don't. Please??**

**- Serena **


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